Tuesday, September 12, 2006

To The One Called Boy:

This may be the bravest thing I've ever done. Here I go.

Years ago I started as a freshman in highschool. Not one friend but you. I dont even think you realized at the time, what you did for me. But, something about me kept your interest peaked and you enjoyed listening to me talk. Looking back I think you enjoyed it the most when I thought I was being vague enough that you wouldnt know I was talking about you. But you always knew. I know that now.

We had our fights. Once...maybe twice. But, they werent like most peoples. We walked away and automatically felt sorry for the other. I always knew there was something different about you. When I tried to explain that to my sister, she didnt believe me. Thirteen is sort of young to meet the man of your dreams I suppose. Mostly because I dont think I fully understood what the man of my dreams would be like back then. But I know now.

You were always there when I needed you and even on occasion when I didnt. You always knew what I needed even if you didnt always act upon it. But, that was part of what I liked about you. Remember the day we fought and we had to be seperated it got so bad? Remember how you came back and hugged me almost immediately afterward and told me it was ok? Remember how you went and bought me Wendys because you knew that I needed some food? That day never leaves my mind.

I kept some of your old emails. There are a few that have hints of flirting. I highlighted those. I know youve told me multiple times that you dont like me as anything more than a friend, but I think that you just hide it better than me.

I missed you like crazy your whole mission. You came back a different man. But, I think you settled into the groove well because when we had lunch I saw a faint glimmer of the boyishness I came to know and love. You were coming back to me. I dont know if you will ever come to feel for me what I feel for you, but I want you to know that I cant and wont wait around forever.

I hope this sparks something with you. Even if its just a faint memory...