Friday, January 20, 2006

The Confusion Inside

I hate everything right now. Everything is getting on my nerves.

My family
My house
My friends

Everything. It sucks. I dont even know how to explain everything I feel or think inside. Its weird. I hate it. I hate me. I want to change who I am and be someone not annoying, but I cant. I cant find a way to change to what I want to be.

I do and say things, constantly, I wish I didnt. But, that never stops me in the future. I always do more. ALWAYS. Right now I wish I could bury myself in theatre again. Its even looking possible between my homework for acting and Enchanted April.

But the truth is, it wont solve the problem. Ignoring it doesnt make it go away. Its a problem I need to solve and right now I have... no one to run to...

I want to sit down in a corner and cry until someone understands me. I want someone, a guy preferably, (theyre easier for me to tolerate) to just walk up and say "You need me. What can I do to help?" I need help. I cant do this on my own. I need to change.

If dying, cutting and perming my hair will do it, so be it. If it means I have to get a whole new wardrobe and act more like a girl, so be it. Ive got to change. Ive got to find a way out.

I feel like a mime trapped in my stupid box. No way out. No one who even remotely understands what Im trying to say. Stupid mimes. Stupid fake boxes. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate me...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Finally... A Downside To College

Its not even that bad. Its just a little frusterating.Let me start at the beginning. I hear thats a good place to start, but maybe Ive just watched The Sound of Music one time too many...

Tuesday, after classes and after Eddie left to catch his bus, Tammy and I sat in the food court at UVSC doing her math homework. I was helping her and this guy passes us and moves to the table just next to us. We, for a second, thought he was gonna pull up a chair and sit with us, but then he moved on.

His other friends joined him. We ignored them, as you tend to do since there are so many other people in the food court with you. At one point the funny one, whose name is apparently Garrin (or perhaps Garren, or Garron, I dont know), was standing up to go get some food. He turns to us and says, "Hey. Im just gonna go get some food. Could you guys watch my stuff?"

Thinking this was an odd question since he didnt know us and his other two friends were staying right there, we stared for a second trying not to laugh. "Yeah. No problem." I said. "Make sure no one steals it. And dont you steal it!" he says in a jokingly worried voice. We respond with, "...ok..."

This happened again once more. Then the five of us started talking. They were kinda funny and stuff. Ones from Russia and had a somewhat thick accent and another was from Puerto Rico and also had an accent. The funny one was American.

I walked away for a bit as we were leaving to talk to a friend of mine. Or rather, my 6 year old sister Hana, who also goes to college there. Shes Justins twin... Anyhoo, Tammy got the three of them to commit to coming to Ballroom with us. Sweet!

Only Roman, the Russian one, decides he will keep his promise. He came today. He had fun. I think hes interested in Tammy. Anyhoo, oh...apparently they might all be from Puerto Rico. We think the only Russian was this other guy who came into the picture later. Hmm...Ill find out about that...

Ok...Anyways... While I was up in the FA with James Arrington discussing the spring play, the three guys, plus two or three more, joined Eddie and Tammy in the food court. (Thats where we enjoy doing our homework. We're odd.) I came later and was talking to them but today they were rude! They were especially rude to Tammy. They said her hair looked like a skunk, a nice one that he liked , but a skunk none the less. They told her she was stupid for what math shes in. They told her she was too mad all the time...which we frankly dont understand. She was laughing the whole time...whatever...

Anyways, they were so rude. We dont like them any more. In fact, they ruined Tammys day and they didnt help my already sucky one. I thought today would be good cause I got so much sleep, but it pretty much started off with my mom telling me Im fat. Yeah. Those are always pleasent days...

At least I saw Mike again... He said hi to me... I shall never forget the day I met, the man in the green converse...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Public Apology

I often do things,... In the heat of the moment. I, as Pa Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie) would say, " I acted in haste..."

I think that the first time people see me do that, they get a little freaked out. They dont know how to handle this wildly flowing river of psychotic emotions, that are...me...

Im sorry if I scare people away. But, thats how I am.

I dont really know how to explain it other than to relate it to my false sense of self esteem. When I shout out random things like "Im adorable!" and "I am one of the coolest people I know!" I dont actually mean it. Im trying to get myself to believe that maybe Im not that ugly. Or maybe Im cool enough to keep friends...

I dont want any pity or anything else. Thats just how my self esteem is. Please do not consciously try to change it. It will have to change on its own.

Well, anything I do while in a bad mood stands to the same rules. Im sorry if I offend anyone while I am in a bad mood. I have to get it out of my system or that tiny, nit pickety little fault that I have found in someone will stay and haunt the back of my mind forever. Do not take anything I say in these moods seriously.

Chances are, I just need to talk to Jason...

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Mario

Ok. Marios new to this whole "blogging thing" so we are gonna review for him. This is my blog. Welcome! About a year ago or so I started doing individual posts for each of my friends.

It started with something I think either Brittany or Jenesse said (It mustve been one of them because they are where I get most of my inspiration.)on their blogs. It said something like "What would you miss about your friends if for some reason they were taken away from you. My friend said that they really wished they knew what each of their friends would miss, so I decided to let them know.

So, tonight, just for you, Im going to tell you exactly what I would miss about you. I actually hadnt thought about giving one to you because I figured that might freak you out more, but then I saw you again at church today, for the first time in weeks, and these are a few thoughts that entered my head.

I would miss:

*How alive and readable your eyes can be, or cannot be.
*The look you give me when you are laughing hysterically inside but your mouth doesnt show it at all
*When you apologize
*That coat you have... Its so... Mario...
*Your logic
*How soothing and understanding your voice can be exactly when I need it to be
*When you talk in spanish to make everyone shut up
*How your voice gets quieter and you start to smile when you think no ones listening to you
*The friendships I made purely because you decided to hand out my number
*Sue and Phred
*Your hair when youre having a bad day
*Your sense of humor when youre wildly hyper or overly excited
*Your face when you actually laugh outwardly!
*The pose you do before a play when you play football, with that one arm straight up in the air
*Your bluntness
*Your taste in music... You still owe me a cd by the way...
*When you raise your eyebrows and make your mouth small. You look like a anime cartoon!
*How you always seem to be helping someone
*The face you make when you think "Two can play at that game!"
*How you think of me as like a...a... toy almost. Like Im there purely for your amusement.
*How you turn just like billings. But your neck is seriously smaller cause you arent quite as muscular
*When you get really into singing whatever song is playing in your car
*When you get really into the sport you are playing
*When you look at me like "Im just a little kid! I dont know any better!"
*And finally, Your face when I tell you to wait for me cause I have something to say to you but you are really anxious to get to where you want to be but youre waiting out of politeness. You do shifty eyes.

Thats pretty much all I can think of right now. I saw you at church and I realized I missed talking to you more than I thought. Actually, I didnt think I missed you at all. No offense. But, I guess I was wrong.

Come On And Come To Me Now

I'll Stand By You
by The Pretenders



Oh, Why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes.
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry,
Let me see you through,
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you,
You don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess,
could make me love you less.

I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you.
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So,
If you're mad, get madder.
Don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
hey, what you've got to hide?
I get angry too,
guess I'm a lot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads,
Don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along.
Cause even if you are wrong...

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And when,
When the night falls on you baby
You're feeling all alone
Walking all on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I`ll stand by you

Institute Dances Suck

Eddie: "Im not going"

Talking about fathers.

Driving Eddies car. And not well, I might add.

Tim: "I cant dance with her. Shes my little sisters friend."

Bringing up Carrie...

Losing Jason to the crowd.

Tammy gets asked every time.

I dont get asked... ever...

Shirley, Tessa and Julianna get asked... Theyre...underaged...

Brenton: "Yeah were mad at you!"

Jason: "I dont want Bryn driving my car!" "Freakin prick!" "What the hell are you talking about!?" and "I cant talk about it."

Shannons secret...

Friday, January 13, 2006

Jason

Alrighty, Here it goes...

I would miss:

*Your face when you look down at the ground and laugh at some funny thought that just crossed your mind
*Your hat
*Your constant death threats to Eddie
*Your face when you talk about your shelby cobra
*The way the slightest thing getting on your shoes upsets you
*How long you take to shower
*Our random texting conversations that are so sarcastic its hilarious!
*The way you talk about the little girl you will someday have
*When you put your mouth to the side of your face, kind of, and you look to the other side
*Your stubbornness
*Our...marriage...?
*Our sexy house (by the by, if for some reason Brenton is unable to save our marriage, Im taking the house)
*Watching you play basketball
*Listening to you when youre having an awesome day
*The way you say, "Shut up!" When youre not serious
*How often, in our text conversations, you say, "What do you mean by that?" "What does that mean?"
*How you cant really look someone in the eyes when you do something nice for them. Well, girls at least. When its a guy youre just like, "Take it! I'll rip your arms off!"
*How you are my new friend Jessica...
*The way that just sitting behind the wheel of a somewhat pretty car and lighten up your whole week and make you just...genuinely thrilled
*And last but not least, the way you smile when you know youve done or said something devious!

Brenton

I would miss:

*That noise we make together... I dont really know how you would spell that...
*The way you twitch when you just get so excited talking about something
*The way a good guitar solo can make you lay down and play wildly
*How you broke your arm...hahaha...Youre awesome
*Grape Soda
*How no matter what you tell yourself, you will still try to lift weights with one arm in a sling...
*Your stubbornness
*How you get so red and insecure when I look at you
*How you are always eating...cereal...
*How you play with Sean
*The way you talk about the little girl you will have someday
*Your hair
*How you have like 50 pairs of shoes! You freakin girl!
*The way your mouth gets small and bent funny when you say something really quiet and shy like
*Your funny glasses
*When you get started laughing hysterically and cant stop
*When you poof your hair out after its been straightened
*Rezyk
*And finally, How you are the Buddy Family Psychiatrist

Notice what isnt listed? Let me help you out... Its your beanie! I would not miss that ugly thing! Sick!

Eddie... part 1.4763

I am retarded.

This ones for you, buddy...

I would miss:

*Your underbite (strange as that may seem)
*Your high pitched "Chipmunk laugh" as Brother Rush would call it
*When you have a brilliant idea
*When you say "No kidding!"
*When you talk about girls senses of fashion
*When you say "Are you retarded?"
*When you finally get a joke and you raise your eyebrows and chuckle softly and under your breath
*Your car
*How I can drive every time you dont want to. I love driving!!! But not your car, just your parents...
*Crazyheads
*How well we harmonize together
*Your hair
*Jared Padalecki!!!
*How we joke about getting married and living in seperate rooms!
*How much we can mock Liahona as we look back on it
*The way you move your face and the sound of your voice when you imitate what a guy said to you
*Your whininess
*And finally, Your parents

Eddie

Tammy...part 1.5469

Sorry. Im stupid.

This one goes out to my best friend (Well, one of them) who I never blogged about when I did those individual blogs.

I would miss:

*The finger thing
*How we both make the same face when the other one catches us in the act of something sneaky
*The face you make when you imitate someone staring at you
*How you yell when you imitate something someone said said to you in a slightly hostile manner
*My Best Friends Wedding
*Pumpkin Pie...mmm...
*Your pink and black skater shoes. I hate pink...I love your shoes
*The bags (back pack, purse, etc.) That youve had since Ive known you. They establish a sense of... you...
*Your haunted bedroom
*Your family and the way we talk about them
*How we just... Know...what the other person is thinking even when it comes out like a bunch of moosh...
*How you always wear pants
*Your scream every time I drive. Especially when I drive Eddies car. Stupid thing that it is! *shakes fist*
*How fast cleaning and work in general goes by when we do it together
*Eminem... Curtain Call
*Beef Jerky
*Macaroni and Cheese
*Laberynth
*How fast we walk down the halls together
*Your voice when you whine
*And finally, your face when you are nervous something wont work out and you say, "aaaahhhh. Bryyyyynnnn."

Tammy

Relationships

Relationships are hard. Hard work. Which, I guess, is good because you appreciate things more when you work for them. But still, think about it. Think about how many times you make new friends and you start off so rocky.

In the beginning I often wonder, "Is this really going to work? Will we seriously be friends after a start like this?"

Lots of times it doesnt work out. I do something spazzy and they are thinking, "Ok. Shes the kind of person I will call my friend, but I will try not to hang out with her too much in case shes the kind of person I get sick of."

My spazzy moments are both good and bad. On one hand I dont regret them because its me and thats just how I am. But, on the other hand, I dont end up with the kind of friendship I wanted in the beginning. I walk away thinking, "Wow. I coulda handled that better."

Yet, I never seem to listen to myself. I never fix my mistakes. Why is that? I know its possible to change things you dislike about yourself, but... I guess I just dont have the will power.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

College Life...ROCKS!!!

Why did no one ever tell me that college is so awesome?!?! Tell me!!! Were they trying to keep it a secret all to themselves? I love college!!! Course, I loved High School so I guess you cant really trust my opinion. But every day Tammy, Eddie and I are like "See ya tomorrow! At college! he he he!" and "Hey guess what! We get to go back to college tomorrow! Yes!" Its way funny!

MATH:
1010. Its pretty easy. Im really rusty because I havent done math at all for a year and a half, but once I remember its a sinch. My math teacher reminds me of my cousin Janelle. Same size, same voice, mostly the same personality, just not quite as giggly as my cousin.

STAGE MANAGEMENT:
Dr. Petrie is so fun! Way cooler than Criman! Dont get me wrong, Criman was cool to me even if he wasnt to most of you... But Petrie's so much cooler! He gave me the musical in April the first day! Woot! Its called Enchanted April... Im so freakin excited!
Talus Jarvis is in my class. Hes not so bad. Kinda weirdly...creepily...hott...? is that word? Whatever. Whatever he is, he still kinda freaks me out. Theres also this dancer in my class. I hate her. She bugs me. Too prissy. I want to be like, "Why are you in this class? Go away!" Shes the type of person who can make you feel bad just by looking at you. It sucks. Tim and Collin are really cool. Melissa is cool just cause shes this hott little asian...

FUNDAMENTALS OF ACTING I:
Randy King. Awesome man! He knows and loves my older sister which pretty much got my foot in the door with the other theatre teachers. Hes awesome! He reminds me of my old History teacher, Brother DeGraff, because of the faces he makes but hes way nicer and funnier.
The TA for that class, Jordan, and I hit it off from the first day. Before I even had any classes. He came into Lorettas (Randys wife and the secretary for drama) Office while she was reading my info and blatently told me he had my name, number, address and social security number and could now stalk me. Hes cool! :)
Dadre Mitchell is in that class too. Shes excited that we have a class together, but for all the money in the world I couldnt tell ya why.

VOICE AND DICTION:
My teachers weird, but cool. Theres this guy in my class Adam, he apparently was in love with my sister, Megan, a few months ago and was friends with her fiancee Bryan until he found out they were engaged. Personally, I think thats terrribly funny! Hes a weirdo, but we may hit it off after all.

BALLROOM:
Pretty much, that class is not one I wanted to take. Tammy made me. Yeah.

PRODUCTION PRACTICUM or 259R:
Steve Purdy and James Arrington. Two hecka funny guys! Not to mention, the man in the green converse is in that class with me! Yay! He looks at me like he wants to just giggle. I think he thinks Im hott. YAY!!!
I recognized him from his butt,...long awkward story...He and his friend (whose name I couldnt tell you to save my life!) are so fun! Im gonna love working with them again! Everytime I think of Mike hugging me...I smile. What a cutie. Duh. :)

That pretty much sums up my college life right there. Soooooo much fun!!!

Boys Wearing Hats

Why is it, that boys who wear hats are automatically hotter when they wear hats then when they dont?

Example. There is this hott 19-year-old drama major in my drama class. Im a drama major! Rock on! He comes in and Im thinking, "Yes! Theres one hott guy in one of my classes! Woot!"

Next day: He comes in without his hat on and Im thinking..."Ew. Is that the same guy? What was I thinking?!?!"

All in all it was really depresssing to find out that I actually dont have one hott guy in any of my classes...*sigh*... Oh well.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

When It Comes Right Down To It

Have you ever met someone, and you hit it off so well and so fast that you just... I dont know... Connect! You become really good friends and even when you arent hanging out, which is all the time, you are texting or talking all the time! You hit a point where you both would rather talk to each other than sleep, but you are both already sleep deprived... So... That doesnt usually happen...

Then you start to like him. You think, "he kinda hits on me, he does pretty much ANYTHING for me, his my favorite person to be around... I think I like him!" and its all happy for a while.

Unfortunately, your mind starts to set in and plays tricks on you. "Oh my gosh. Did you see that? He likes me too!" "Who just says that? He must like me!" and of course the "Well he is awefully secretive when it comes to general questions about who he likes..."

"Leave it alone!" You tell yourself, "Dont touch it! Walk away! Its not worth the trouble youre putting into it." But, do you ever listen to yourself? Rarely...

Your best friend has a... sixth sense, if you will... She knows who likes who even when they dont. Shes ALWAYS right. She says he likes you.

That doesnt really help your trippy mindset, now does it?

You continue to tell yourself he likes you. You get overly excited that maybe, just MAYBE there is a guy out there who likes you too... A funny, fun to talk to, guy with a great sense of humor and is even really good looking! Its amazing! You always fall for the pretty much ugly ones...hmm...go figure!

After serious analytical studies on your own time, you decide, "Nah. I dont like him. I like the idea of being with somone that cool, but hes not really my type. I will just enjoy being a close friend of his."

Suddenly, thats not really enough. You want to be his BEST friend! You want him to come to you with every problem. You want to be the one he runs to because you feel like you know him better than anyone else. And maybe you do.

He starts to run to you. He brings you little problems. Its fun. Youre thinking, "Perfect! I love this!" But then, one day, he hits you with something hard. You dont know how to deal with it or how to help him because, in all honesty, you havent been friends long enough for you to know how to deal with his... really big issues...

You feel helpless. Hes drowning and youre watching. You have nothing. You cant save him! You call him, and he wont pick up. You stop. What else can you do? He accuses you of giving up on him. But its, "ok. Everyone else has. I just didnt expect you to."

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Pull my hair out! Pinch me as hard as you can! Kick me! Hit me! Anything would feel better than that statement right now. You cry. He thinks youre doing this to him on purpose! How dare he! He has no idea the torture you feel inside as you... watch him drown.

He tells you hes leaving. Hes fed up with his sucky life and has to get away. Youre understanding. Youve felt that way. Youre more understanding that he either knows, or just cares to admit. Fine. Go. You need to go, go. Im here for you if and when you need me... Please... Please dont shut me out forever...

Walk back into the movie. Brenton... Tammy... The cold... Dodgeball... You try and forget about what just happened outside. You try to laugh at the movie. Its a really good movie! But, youre heart... its pretty much been ripped out and taken to... wherever he just went.

"Thanks for your friendship. Goodbye."

Tears keep coming no matter how you fight it. He doesnt understand! Hes being selfish! Hes not the only one having a hard time at home! He doesnt know! But then... Neither do you...

It comes. A few lines, a few chuckles. You start to laugh. Until now you had had a really good day and everything had been funny. That memory comes back. You laugh harder and harder. Its a really funny movie! No wonder youre an actress....

The next morning. You awake in a dark, cold garage with your best friend next to you. Your phone goes off. Please. Please be him. Hes the only one you think you could stand a text from at the moment.

You slowly make your way across the room. Your heart beating fast. You flip it open and its him!

"Hey hows it going?" What? Ok. Anything at this point is fine. "Feeling better?" you ask, unsure what to say after last night. "Yes. I went to cedar city last night to talk to my friend and came back this morning. Im home."

There you have it. You know who he went to see in Cedar City. Lesley. The one he talks about all the time. She could talk him into toughing it out, but he wouldnt open his phone for me. Ok. I quit. Obviously, he wasnt lying when he said he really really liked her. So, your friends were wrong, you were wrong,...what can you do? Move on.

Wow. He broke unreasonable speeds and broke his car in the process just to see her and have her tell him to stick it out. Something he wouldnt listen to from you.

When it comes down to it, did he ever do anything like that for you? No. Did he try and buy your love and appreciation? Yes. Did it work? Yes and No. Did he take care of what he had? No.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Temper Tantrums

All it takes is something small to start with. Lack of sleep. Lack of food. Lack of Energy. Lack of Health. Generally a lack of something.

You dont feel different at first. But then... then something happens. Something else either just as small as the first or ever so slightly larger.

Somebody made a small joke at your expense. Somebody listened very nicely to your idea, and then, as politely as possible, shot it down. Maybe they didnt even realize what theyd done. But you did. You noticed. You always do.

Still, you think "I cant let this get to me! Its New Years Eve, Dang it! Im gonna have a good time!"

So you push forward. Ignoring the small and strange feeling inside. Then...Then someone...Your "best friend" gets attention. Attention she didnt even want, but got. Attention youd been seeking...all week...

Still you think, "Maybe if I dont think about it...it will all go away..."

SIDE NOTE:
Never ignore anything. It never goes away. Fix the problem.

The small and strange feeling grows. Bigger and bigger. You feel it growing inside you like a weed. A weed that is slowly taking over your whole body starting with your face. You begin to pout. Suddenly everyone around is annoying. You cant stand the sight of them.

The blame sets in. "Why are they doing this to me?" "How dare they!" "Whats wrong with me?" "Why am I not just as good?"

You walk into a house with a huge party going on. Youre hit with a horrbly unfair blast from your past! Whats going on? Run. Run fast. Quick! Downstairs!

Now youre sitting in room full of friends you havent been around in forever! Friends youve missed, and "friends" you havent... Theyre talking about inside jokes and small things you would get if you werent so...behind...

You feel small. Ontop of the smallness, they become huge. Suddenly its like it doesnt matter what was just said, the laughing is at you. "Leave!" You think. "Ive got to leave!" You suddenly realize why you stopped hanging out with them... Its sad... Its hard...But its true...

You get up and leave with the excuse that you wanted some food. You did. It wasnt a lie. You get your food, and you start to leave. Great. Ontop of everything you cant just sneak out. You left your keys downstairs... It takes you a while but you manage to get them and return upstairs. You cant put your shoes on fast enough! You open the door and sigh a breath of relief as you taste the crisp fresh air! Free! Free from the laughing.

Now what?

Now you call your other friends. The ones whose attention you first sought. They ditched you. The blame comes back. "How rude!" "Maybe I dont want to hang out with them!"

Still, you grab at anything you can and call your "best friend" who is with them. She begs and pleads as you fight back the tears of the un...wanted...ness...Finally you give in. You give a general promise. "Maybe. It might be a while though."

What are you thinking? They are all you have left! You have nothing! You finally give in to yourself and drive over to meet them. Stripped of all your sanity at the last party, you change your outfit. Whos gonna care?

Suddenly a text. You hope...You hope so desperately... Could it really be? Yes! It is your favorite friend! (There is a difference between best friends and favorite friends and that will be explained in another post)

"Ok what is it?"

Mis-interpreting the text...you start to tell them why you are in a bad mood. No response. You walk into the party.

Pool? Theyre playing pool on New Years Eve? Whatever. You gave up caring. After about five rounds you cant take it any more, but what can you do? Yell? Yell why? At who? Dont be ridiculous! Dont lose it now! Youre so close!

(just hang in there, this post is almost over)

Finally, the last few minutes of the year approach. You get the fireworks and set them off!

...Happy New Year...

You stand and listen to the honking, the fireworks, the yelling, the banging as slowly get soaked by the falling snow. Another weird feeling makes itself known inside you. The bad mood is still there, but now theres also something else. Is it the snow? Is it the mood? Is it his wild laugh? Is it the other ones wild eyes? Whatever it is, its there and it aint leavin!

You all walk downt the street to watch the "class clown" so to speak, throw fireworks into large puddles. Its funny. Its entertaining. Youre feeling better. Not much, but a little.

The third guy makes one last attempt to help you be happier. "Hey! What are you doing?" (That line is actually funnier if youd ever heard him talk...) He says as you walk back down the street away from them all.

You see the puddles. Youre suddenly not so cold. You dont care why, youre feeling better. Something snaps. You take of you shoes and roll up your pants.

Youre free again! Free running through these warm puddles of water as the snow falls gently on your hair! What a feeling! The perfect end to a really bad...month...

As you walk back to the house your feet start to swell and sting. You dont care. Think of the fun you had! It was sooooo worth it! You return home.

Today you missed church. Why? You are sick. Was it still worth it? You decide.

Happy New Year...