Sunday, January 23, 2005

Update Of My Life

I havent blogged in a while and for some of you its the only way you know whats happening with me. So I apologize. I would like to let you into every aspect of my life that I am currently caring about. In case anyone out there cares, if you dont, then maybe its just for my own peace of mind. huh...I dunno...

Well I transferred into Accappella...if thats how you spell it...and now my schedule consists of A1- Tech, A4- Seminary with Brother Burr, B2-Accappella, B3- Drama and B4- Photo 1. As far as tech I think Im ok. I just wish Deidree wasnt in it! Duh... Seminary I might change but I dont know. I just wish I couldve had brother Egget or Gubler before I graduate. Oh well. Accappella is good. Mrs. Mathews wants me to go on tour and I hope my parents will let me. Even if they do tho, I dont know how Id make the money...its a butt load! As far as Drama goes I was recently informed that a whole ton of people were really upset that I got to transfer in and they dont think I deserve it. This is what I have to say to them: I really didnt think highly of myself to begin with as far as theater goes. Shamae kept me going and now Jenesse and Brittany do. Always telling me I really do have talent. I have a really low self esteem and it doesnt help when I find out things like that. Maybe I will just drop Drama. I dont know yet...Photo I might drop just because...but then again, maybe not.

Matteo is my only true older brother and you all know that! JT misses me and my sister is one heck of a funny missionary as far as I can tell by her letters! I wish I could see them all in action cause they all sound funny! Cliff and Bobby leave right after graduation cause they are old. With Court and Dallas I have just over a year and with Jason I have just under a year. What a shame. My sister comes home in September and my brother Matteo comes home next January.

All my friends are wonderful! But Im getting into the freaky paranoia that I ALWAYS hit when I hang out with any certain guy(s) for too long. I get all paranoid that they all like me. Its weird. But at least with this group, the ones Im paranoid about I wouldnt actually mind "going out" with. All my friends that are girls are, as always, my true support and keep me going. The choir girls (as in Kellie, Rachel, Tammy, Holly, Diane, Sherstine and Emmerin) dont seem to like me much so I am always hanging with the guys. And for anyone who truly knows me, you know that thats not such a bad a certain way...not the paranoia way...

My family, well mostly just my mom and Megan, made me go to this Emotional, Muscle Testing thing at The Institute of Healing Arts. I spent over an hour there in a therapy session that made me feel releaved but at the same time, it made me feel awkward telling all this inner personal stuff to some complete stranger. In any case I was in a really really REALLY good mood afterwards. Whatever....

Well Ryan took care of himself on his own. Melissa and Bench I just sort of forgave gradually over time and Nathan Cassani (ya I know! Shocker that I actually made friends with him isnt it?) and I are friends now. He supposed to call me this week. That just leaves Nathanael, but if he isnt going to work for it neither am I....

Theres your small insight to my life...I hope I can catch up with each of you individually and soon. Stop me in the halls and ask me if you care...if offense taken or anything...I swear!

Monday, January 10, 2005

I hate my stupid computer! Bah...

Well it wouldnt post the picture but this is what I am...My stupid computer never posts the picture! Bah...Oh well...

YOU ARE 40 % EMO !
Hmm.. I suggest you stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that you stopped looking at your shoes, how's the real world look?

I completely disagree with them...these stupid things never come out anything like me...bah...again...

Sunday, January 09, 2005

"The wheels in my head have been turning..."

Heres what Ive been thinking about. Whatever is written in parentheses is the emotion that follows the thought.

*I love Tammy! (So happy)
*I guess Im going to preference in a threesome... (weird-cool-funny)
*I guess Ryan had a night mare about me...(sad)
*Church got out early today because of ward conference (so happy)
*My Dad not wanting to write me a letter for girls camp (depressed)
*No milk (hungry-angry-sad)
*The only dress I have for preference is ugly (sad)
*My sister yelling at me (angry)
*My email from JT (full of laughter, so happy)
*Joining accappella (unsure of happiness or sadness...did I spell it right?)
*Last night (, sad, but still very cool)
*Tammy and I sleeping in the car (so happy)
*The videos I still have to do (mad, frusterated)
*Watching Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility (happy)
*Playing Seen It...(wanting...anyone own that by chance?)

thats all...Im done...just thought I give you guys another small insight to my life

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

YAY!!! SNOW!!!! I LOVE SNOW!!!!!

So I decided that I blog in lists a lot. But as I thought about that some more...I realized...I THINK in lists. I blog what I think. Crazy huh? So I decided that this time I wouldnt blog in a list. Just regular paragraphs...I hope...

I love snow! I love it for the way it looks and the way it feels and the way it smells! I love walking in the heavy falling snow with your hair down and getting the huge flakes caught in your hair...I think it looks pretty.

I love coming out to the bus stop smelling the sweat smell of snow! I love waking up to that surprise! I want to get married on a day where it is totally snow covered! How pretty would that be? bah...I love being able to go sledding with your friends, or make snow angels! I love just standing outside in it...there is almost nothing that makes me happier! I love snow to pieces!

I love frollicking in the snow with spazzy friends...aaaaahhhh! I love running in circles with Carly like we are horses making tracks...sometimes we trot. Those were the days....

If I were to talk to someone I totally hated while on a walk in the snow...I wouldnt be able to hate them, I wouldnt be able to argue or really truly be upset...that is how magical it is for me! Nothing else matters! Just me and the snow...when its snowing, I have NO problems...everything is gone. This is how much I really love snow...I hope you all understand my love for it now! I really reall REALLY love snow!!!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

A Most Excellent Older Brother!

This blog is dedicated to my fantabulous older bro, Mathew! Otherwise known as Matteo. Matteo, you rock my socks off! For the first time ever I feel like I have a close older brother. I feel like I have an older brother who cares about what I do, who I date, where I am and all that stuff.

My real older brother, whos name (ironically enough) is also Mathew, was never very close to me. Ever since I was little I have wished I had an older brother that was just barely older than me. One that I could talk to about EVERYTHING that happens in my life. And now I do thanks to Matteo.

So, in honor of a most excellent older brother, I have written what I miss about him. (but wont have to miss in a year! Yay!!!! He comes home in one year!!!!

I DO miss:

*The talks
*The rapping (I think I am not alone in saying he is one of few white boys that can rap!)
*The chest snapping and popping...wait...that came out really wrong but he knows what I mean!
*Having someone to run to that really feels like family! (anyone who knows about my family will understand this, but I think, more than anyone else, Corinne would know because I told her.)
*Physically speaking, the height, the ears, the eyes and most definitely....the there is a smile to keep living for! It made me feel like smiling even when I didnt want to!
*The way that even if I was laughing hysterically, he knew that deep down something was wrong
*Having someone who KNEW exactly what was wrong....Jason kinda does that, but theres a difference between having a friend who knows that, and having an older brother who knows that.
*Family singing...he he he...ahh! Nevermind....
*The song, "Earl Had To Die"....because....Earl HAD to was inevitable....
*Frostys, Frisbees, the park, Kyndra and...the crown jewels!!!! bahahahahaha!!!!! You go Matteo! I support all of your life goals!!!!
*The time I asked him...well...its not important WHAT I asked him, just THAT I asked him...
*The Brother and Sister....ness.....shut up!

Ok I think thats all I have for now! But in closing I would just like to say that he is a most excellent older brother and I cant wait until he comes home!