Thursday, December 30, 2004

Hmm...

So Im supposed to be going on this date soon. You guessed it...with Jason (Shut up all of you that are laughing! Especially boobies! I dont like him!...*shifty eyes*...no but seriously, I dont)...but, Tyler never told either of us what we were doing or anything. So now I have to go on this date at four, but I dont know if they are picking me up or I am supposed to meet them there...

You gotta love being uninformed...ya...something like that...

Bah! This date is in two hours and Im still uninformed! Who just does that? Bah...

Monday, December 27, 2004

I Think I Like Them...DANG IT!!!

I am always "playing it up" when ever I think theyre watching

I smile more when theyre around

I feel like the only way to draw attention to myself is to be sad...so I think of a reason to be sad and then mope so theyll notice me...I think Ive lost it...

I wish I had secrets I could tell them so wed have our own conversations and inside jokes that no one else could know about

I want them to just ask me what Im thinking...I LOVE when people ask me what Im thinking...

I want them to tell me what I mean to them...even if its just as a friend

I want them to become so close with my family that they know lots of my cousins, they fit right in with us all and they either call my parents by their first names or mom and dad...I think that means I want a husband or at the very least...fiance...thats dumb...I hate myself...Im too young to act this way!!!

I want to have a song with them...each and every one of them!

I want them to appreciate the classics like I do, then we can talk about how much we....appreciate...the...classics...yes...that...

Maybe Im just retarded...Im crawling into a corner to be alone for a while...after I go to my cousins house...dang it...why arent they coming with me? why? WHY?!?!?!?!?! *sniff, sniff*
*crawls into corner alone and starts to sing to self "all by myself"*

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Emma

Ok Emmas a little new to this whole thing. She says she will read this blog because its about her, but Im inclined to doubt her. She has been telling me she will read my blog the beginning of time! However, on the other hand, she might this time because it is about her. So just in case she does actually decide to go read what I would miss about her, if she were actually to move or somehow...leave...so here it is...

I would miss:

*How she hits me before she says something that doesnt really make sense to me, but is apparently very exciting to her...
*How youve turned into a romantic! Hahaha! Emmas a ROMANTIC!!!! *ahem* Lets, move ahead!
*How you expect everyone around you to be as excited as you are about your new saddle! Dont get me wrong Em, I am excited, its just funny that you expect everyone around you to be...
*How you talk when youre hyper
*How it only takes two large marshmallows to make you hyper, that or a bowl of popcorn...
*The many hours we have spent in your room dancing and singing,...and playing with toy horses...
*That huge collection you used to have of chapstick...hahaha...those were the days...
*How often you and Carly get mad at each other...STILL!!!
*How prissy, and yet not, you are...yes Emma, you ARE prissy...in some ways...on very few occassions...you are...
*The way you say "shut up" all whiney after Ive made fun of you
*Your random, sparatic screams! "ah!" hahahaha
*Your mom...shes funny...and a lot like you...
*Playing that disney thing with you...Donald Duck! What a perv! ahahahahahha!
*The fact that there is ALWAYS a disney movie playing when I come over...ahh...I love your family...
*The fact that your room is re-arranged every time a come over
*How we are ALWAYS eating when Im there...think about it....we prolly eat half of everything you have at the time, every time I come over
*Your Young Women candles...each with a bite taken out of them
*Dressing like punks to lipsync to "Ice Ice Baby"...mmm....we are so freakishly hott!
*Jousting! ahahahahahahha! bah....*wipes tear away from eye*
*How we used to say "Bueller" and then "Fry" in church every week
*How we mock every teacher we have...hey! its not our fault they are easy to make fun of!
*How you are always talking to Cory yet your "with" Brian...whats that all about? Is Cory just your "Sunday Cuddle Buddy"?
*How you always have candy...I know thats because of the candy man, but still...
*How you use the word "fag"
*How often you throw "faggish" into a conversation....its like your word for gay....and Carlys word for gay is homeless...hmm...you guys rock!
*Having someone else who truly appreciates the classics like Sinatra, Crosby, Martin and Day...you are soooo hott!!!
*The cd that Brian made you! I still cant believe thats the first track....ahahahahahahaha! I also cant believe you never caught on...spaz!

Ok thats about all for now, but we shall see what we shall see...baby! You spaz...I love it!

A Deep Question To Think About:

Ok so take all these things into consideration and then answer the question(s) at the bottom...

What if...

*His family comes to see you in the play
*His family tells you that they miss you being at their house and you should definitely come over more often
*He knows more about you than possibly even you do...
*You have tons of inside jokes with his younger siblings cause you hang out with them a lot
*His little sister, who is actually closer to your age than he is, tells you to call her more often to play
*You go to their house to give them a Christmas treat and the whole family comes to the door becaues YOU are there...
*His family tells you how much he, as well as the rest of them, hate his ex-girlfriend who also happens to be a stalker
*He bears his testimony to you ALL the time, and is always sure to include your name before doing so
*You know all his siblings, in order, plus spouses and children...
*His mom "misses having you over"

Does that mean youre going to marry him? Does that mean that YOU like HIM? Does that mean that HE likes YOU? Or does it even mean anything at all?

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Why? Who knows?

Ok...so heres the deal. I absolutely love this song! And...I wish it was the song people think of when they think of me, but I doubt it is. But heres what you have to do...if you are going to comment you HAVE to put whatever song reminds you of me...otherwise I will...get...really...angry...shut up! Just put the song!


She's Always A Woman

by Billy Joel

Album : The Stranger

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to seeS
he hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
But she can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

My Stupid Curiosity!

Heres what my tiny brain has been pondering lately: (Keep in mind that none of these are angry, bitter or even sad whys...just curious whys...)

*What does it mean when youre almost the only one of "your group" that doesnt have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Does it mean youre a loser because you dont, or does it mean youre more special because there are fewer people you will have to deal with when dating and because there few people who fully appreciate everything about you (which makes less confusion in the marriage process)?
*Why Ben and Liz? Why?
*(this ones for you Whit,) Why Luke? Why?
*Why two worlds?
*(to Nathanael) Why the anger and hatred? Why?
*(this ones for you Shamae,) Why California?
*Why do my parents have to work on Christmas?
*Whats the cause of all this delay?
*Why am I obnoxious? Why?
*(this ones for you Jenesse,) Why the sickness? Why not happy play time?
*(this ones for you Britt,) Why the loneliness? Why do you feel alone? Why cant I help?
*Why Jason? Why not Court? Why not Scott?
*Why Ryan?
*Do things ALWAYS happen for a reason? Or do they just happen sometimes?
*Why, when I need them most, are two of my best friends on missions? Why?
*Why the Christmas card? Why the email address?
*(this ones for Alex who will probably never see this site...) Why Justine? Not that you shouldnt, just why?
*(this ones for Kellie) Why Nith?
*(this ones for Jason) Why Katie? Why me? Why...WHY?
*(this ones for Court) Why? Thats it...Just...Why?
*(this ones for Anthony who will also prolly never see this site...) Why me? Why the sliding on the ice? Why?
*(to my parents) Why me? Why not Jake or Kira?
*Why a Senior? Why so old?
*(to self) Why the depression? Why the anger?
*Why not snow?
*Why not Boy? What happened?
*Why all the moving and running away from home? Why not stick it out? Why?

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Tasha

Ok...Here you go...

I would miss:

*The spy missions
*The missions in general
*The way you live life like an action figure
*The Spiderman-ness of it all
*The certain face you make when you say, "Noooo! Duuuude! That'd be aaaawesoooome!!!!"
*The asian-ness of it all
*The asian mother...ahh...I love her...
*Having a spaz in tech! I love you!
*The face you make when you say, "You Bih!"
*The way you describe Candaces stories
*"And then,....I felt like playing Racket ball!"
*The few, precious and random moments we are alone together
*The time You, Shamae and I were sprawled out all over your room sleeping and your mom came in and sprayed us with....something...she rocks!
*Your mailbox....*shifty eyes*....IT WASNT ME!!!!! bee hee hee....
*The shoplifting....why? Who knows?
*Charlies Angles...we will watch that someday....WE WILL!!!!!
*Watching that one movie at Shamaes that was really dumb but funny! You know, the one with the teenagers and stuff? You know what Im talking about!
*Sluffing...mm....Target!
*Those square things at Target....actually....that applies to Shamae too....did I put it on yours, Shmoo?
*The excuses you have for taking trunk from Whitney but not Shmoo...I love it!
*The excitement of not knowing, if I decide to wear my Spiderman shirt, if you will wear yours too! ha ha ha...shut up! You know its exciting!
*Finding...whats her names house! *shakes finger and squints eyes* "Youre scaring the children!"
*That card at Target we found, with Shamae, that said something to the effect of, "I love our action packed romance!" What a rockin' card!

Ok Im positive there are more, Im just having writers block....Have an action packed day!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Jason

I would miss...

*Having someone who understands everything I say, do or even go through....literally! (a little too literally sometimes...)
*The random pokingness
*The non-serious flirting...yes...that...
*The "Mahahahahaha!"-ness
*The walks
*The talks
*Having someone who also seriously thinks about checking themselves into an insane assylum....craziness
*Having a friend who actually prefers little spoons to big when they have one of the three biggest mouths Ive ever seen! Bah...Whats up with that? Who do you think you are?
*Your hair...dont ask...just know its the hair
*Telling you to play nice with the other kids...I love you! Bah...
*Making fun of the sees lady! bee hee hee....shes freaky!
*You telling me my faces are cute...builds self esteem "Bobby dontchya know!" hahaha...*ahem*....nevermind....*shifty eyes*
*Having someone who understands make out days the way I do....dont anyone else take that the wrong way....Jason, you know what I mean, dont you?
*Our special little "lying on the floor club"...THAT NATHANAEL CANT JOIN!!!!! BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I am so mean to him...too bad it was a Jason AND Nathanael day...Bah...
*Telling you what you meant when you said whatever you just said
*Telling you why you like or hate things
*Telling you what you are thinking...actually that ones kinda creepy
*Saying "I know what you mean" sooooo literally, it feels weird to mean it that much.
*Hugs from behind
*The JT-ness of it all....mmm....I WILL NOT GO DEFEND MYSELF TO CRIMAN! YOU CANT MAKE ME!!!!
*The Me-ness of it all....shut up! we have a total of six things different from each other...without counting finger prints...*shifty eyes*....now lets build off that!
*Knowing EXACTLY why the other one just fell on the floor....even when no one else does....HA!!!
*Falling on the floor and having someone who knows why...I love when I dont have to say why I did or said what I just did or said, but I hate that I am like that! Bah! Why are girls so stupid?!?!?
*Having a listening ear to yell at and a ready body to beat on....oh. You know what I mean...
*Backing out of the house...wow...that sounds disturbing....
*The way you talk about Katie....good for you!
*The way you smile when you talk about Katie....mmm....cutie!
*Being able to fight for you with Katie...I love her!
*The weird thing you do with your hands on my shoulder...you are strange, but I would definitely miss it...
*The freaky stares you do for no reason at all...they are so creepy! Dont ask why I would miss them!
*Your moms joke streaks....all jokes, all the time! I love your mom! bah...
*The duets where youre the girl and Im the guy
*The 2 am parties....which we actually have yet to have....but WE WILL DO IT, BY GUM!!!!!
*Your bad moods...they make me laugh...which reminds me of the first time we started really being nice...hahaha! When I asked you what was wrong, and you were like "Nothing! Im just stressed!" in your little angry, five year old pouty voice. And then the next day you were like, "I dont even know why I said that. I really wasnt that stressed!" Bahahahah! You spaz! I love you!
*Thinking something will happen and then deciding it wont cause you thought it....you know what I mean! How did we manage that with no one who understood? And why have we even bothered trying to get people to understand?
*The time spent in the mall together...when actually considered, thats a lot of time!

Ok I guess Im done now...thats pretty long...I hope you enjoyed it. I did. Bee hee hee!!!!

Song of the Day....

It's only forever
Not long at all
Lost and lonely

No one can blame you
For walking away
Too much rejection
No love injection
Life can be easy
It's not always swell
Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl
'Cause it hurts like hell (echo hurts like hell)

But down in the underground
You'll find someone true
Down in the underground
A land sereneA crystal moon, ah ,ah
It's only foreverIt's not long at all
Lost and lonely
That's underground
Underground

Monday, December 20, 2004

Brittany

This one is just for you Britt...I jove you!

I would miss...

*The orangeness....yes...all of it
*Having a funny house to run away to if the need ever arose. I have Whitneys house too I suppose. Hmm...I love my friends!
*The way you laugh when something is so hysterical to you and then you get upset/offended if its not to someone else
*The way we silently scream each others names before running up to each other and hugging in this really wild and spazzy way! It rocks!
*The red purse
*Having someone to watch/quote Peter Pan with...which by the way, we still need to watch that with Jenesse. That time with Tasha and Holly ruined it for her and it was her first time seeing it! We have to make it up to her....
*Having someone to watch/quote Better Off Dead with..."Language lessons! Inspiring words from a man who knows how to ski!" bah...good movie...
*Watching you get all giddy and excited over the fact that Ryan remembered your name AND he thought you were awesome! bah...why dont you go on a date with him? You two would seriously hit it off I think...really really REALLY well....in my opinion...whatever
*Listening to you bash on other people when they really and truly are being dumb and retarded but no one else dares/cares to mention it
*Having someone there to wake me up when I need it...to bring the realizations to all...its nice...
*Having someone to listen to Eminem with...."go crazy! oh baby!"
*Having someone to laugh at and who will laugh at me from across the tunnel while tunnel singing...I jove you
*Nick and Liz...they crack me up!
*Your Dad....Im still expecting my mop for christmas...
*The night I spent at your house....we need more memories like that...that whole 24hours was AWESOME!!!!
*Having someone to sluff A 4, go to taco bell, swing on swings, buy feathery bracelets, all the while talking about all our problems, with. ahh....good times, good times.
*Having someone who truly and deeply understands almost everyone and everything around her, its amazing!
*Having a play groupie buddy! You rock!
*Sadie Hawkins...that was pretty dang awesome if you ask me...bah...mm...
*The way you say "oh my gosh!" when youre being all sarcastic
*The sound you make thats like a sound of disgust...I didnt really know how to type that...sorry
*Your friends that we hung out with the night after I slept over...they were all cool and I am very jealous

Ok, thats all for now! I jove you!

Priscilla

Ok since there are so many of you out there that I need to blog like this about, I have decided to do like two or three a day. That will definitely speed up the process and keep some of you waiting in suspense a lot longer. So Today I will do Priscilla and Brittany...and maybe someone else if I can think of anyone. But heres Priscillas...

I would miss...

*The over used phrases you have like "dont die!" and "that works!" and my very favorite, "I'm entertained!"
*Your clock that chirps at me...kinda like your moms sn before you changed it.
*The jean jacket...dont ask...I dont know...
*You calling me your hero...I like to be the hero...its nice!
*Your knowledge of lights...you are one of the smartest sophomores we have! bah...I love you...
*Having someone to convert to the word "bah" and making them angry at me for converting them....you know what I mean...
*Having someone who understands my frusterations with certain people and usually has the same ones.
*Your parents trust...I cant believe they trust me because they like my name....thats cool...and awkward...but mostly cool
*The inside jokes we have like "thats a no cool" and "its midnight?!?!?!" and just plain old tunnel singing....bah....
*Someone who appreciates Sam in the same way I do...sort of...hmm...if youre confused I will tell you later....
*The fact that you are always (and by that I mean, ALWAYS) confused after something Ive said. Doesnt matter what it is though...
*Hans...that kid is a spaz! I love it!
*Your walkway to your house...dont ask me why but something about seeing it at night is very intriguing and mysterious...yes...Im crazy...I know...at least I admit it!
*Coming to your house at 11:30pm on a sunday night to eat donuts and drink hot chocolate! Your parents rock! I wish my dad made donuts in his spare time...he wont even cook when hes starving...it sucks...
*Our totally interesting, spazzy and confusing IM conversations
*Having someone to check my msn name for me...ahh...I love you
*The way we make fun of prissy people together
*How lazy we both are...admit it! we suck! we are so freakin lazy!
*Playing that freaky card game that Whitney taught me at your house...
*Having you ALWAYS marry....that...one guy....you know...that you hate? (I wasnt sure if I was allowed to post who it was so I will keep it our little secret unless you dont mind!)
*Marrying Bench...wait...I wouldnt miss that, just the expression on your face. I am sure you would miss my expression too
*The interesting conversations that we have on headset
*You singing along to the choir on headset
*Having someone to call "Priss Killa" ba ha ha
*Having someone to smile real cheesy at without them questioning why I made that face...maybe I dont have a reason! bah!
*Having someone to race Sam up to the balcony with and both of us ending up losing anyways because we gave up in the middle...he even stopped for a drink!....bah...we rock...
*Being able to kidnap you and take you to every freaking fireside my stake decides to have! (Bah...why do we have so many?!?!)

Ok I think thats all I have so far...again I say, if theres more, I will let you know!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Shamae

Ok. I couldnt even wait another day to post what I DO miss about you Shamae....

*Sitting on the roof and calling people
*Sitting on the roof while you skateboard off
*Just plain sitting on the roof
*Sneaking out at 2am to make movies that make fun of Carly and Emma
*Trying to wake up Emma at 2am but ending up scaring the crap outta her dog! ha ha ha
*Hiding in a horse trailor at 2am with Carly...good times, good times.
*Walking you to the stop light by PetsMart every other morning
*You not having a curfiew
*Your dog
*Coming to your house to pick you up for school and ending up being late because Liz stole the shower
*Waiting 20 minutes for you just to be late...he he he
*Watching "Riding in cars with boys" while I waited for you...how many days did that take me?
*Sluffing with you either at your house watching a movie, or out in Lehi buying sobes!
*The House...I never did get to get out of the car while there with you Shmoo...*sigh*
*The laugh you make when your about to cough but you had to laugh so it comes out a mix
*The face you make that looks like a mouse...he he he
*The way you say "Jenesse!" when you miss her or you just told me about something she did that rocked!
*The way you say anyones name after you told me something they did that rocked!
*The way you say "Seally"
*The way you say "Spacial"
*The outfit you have...the hat, the tie, the suspenders...ah...youre hott
*Just knowing that you had a bad day and letting you drive my car
*Knowing that I had someone I trusted enough to let drive my car without me being in the car, let alone in the front seat
*The dollar menu at McDonalds with your mom....2 pies!!!
*Bullshiznizzlefizzle! I think that was one word....
*The way you and Holly would say each others names and then poke each other....aaaahhh
*The way you would laugh when you were in total pain
*The slight giggle you give when remembering something hysterical
*The cuffs...
*The stalking of people...sort of...that kinda applies to Tasha too...I will have to remember to put it on hers when I do it
*Egg nog, the biting of the carton before the purchasing
*The Yankees
*The spider, Liz Hoffman, and Nick Hoffman
*"I still have bruises, escott!!!" ok I actually met that lady, her husband, her son and her daughter. they make me laugh so freakin hard! bah...the cake...oh wait. thats Brittanys.
*The stuff we would film with my camera sometimes....mmm....we are hott
*The time we have spent at the Majors! I love them!
*"And thats why you should become a Thespian!" ok that one really applies to a lot of people...but mostly it makes me think of you and Tasha....sometimes Brittany and Jenesse too
*"I jove you!" and "I have you"
*How you were always the one to tell me the news (as far as what was new with everyone) and every inside joke...ahhh....there were some pretty good ones that I am sorry to say I missed...

ok thats really all I can think of for now....maybe more later but prolly not...I jove you!

Court

Ok heres the deal. On Shamaes blog people were commenting about how they wish they knew what people would miss about them without actually having the threat of them leaving. I wrote this whole long blog about a few of the things I would miss about everyone but then my computer deleted it! It sucked...so I decided to each of you individually. They will be in no particular order and there should be a new one every day or so. I will just blog them as I notice... so today its Court.

I would miss:
*The face you make when you think I havent noticed something funny you did.
*The squeeking squeeker ness of everything you say.
*The hat that you bought for El Cheapo
*The face you make when you're really trying hard to be mad about something or at someone
*The "I'll...Your..." ness
*The kittens at your house
*The sheer fact that I generally just watch you play video games and dont often join in
*The fact that you probably know me better than some of my closer friends...which is sad...
*The way I can just talk to you using sentences like "hows your automotive department looking?" and you will just go on casually as if what I said was totally normal because Im Bryn
*The face you make when I offend you jokingly
*The way I really could order you around all the time if I wanted to...*shifty eyes*
*Your shifty eyes
*The way you say "do it!"
*The psychotically twisted secret plans we come up with together...*again with the shifty eyes*
*The "with the..."ness
*The way you say "fine!" and pretend to pout after I have done or said something that totally goes against your plans

well thats really all I can think of for now...if I think of anything else I will let you know.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Sick and Tired of:

Ok so heres the deal. I am whiney. I know I am. I am also moody. I know that too. But since there have been so many things lately that have made my self-esteem lower about 20 points (and anyone who knows me really really well can tell you that that is really low!) and since a lot of you have been asking me what is wrong, so I have decided to list everything that has been bothering me! Here it goes...

THINGS IN GENERAL:
*Pricks
*Choir Concerts
*Drill people
*Rentals
*Loneliness
*Being grounded
*Parents telling you what you did and did not do...bah...they dont know, they werent there!
*Seminary lessons that make you feel like you suck
*People telling you you suck
*My retarded (ya! thats right! I said retarded! freakin stupid sub...I hate you Mrs. Brundage!)
paranoia...bah...
*The word "duh"
*By the skin of our teeth
*The way it is
*The way Brooke talks as if getting married made everything better when in all actuality, it didnt.
*The way she says she is over JT, when we all know she isnt.
*Dallas and his freaky hand shaking thing...whatever that is...
*Nathanael acting like he knows...he doesnt...he wont...
*Jason being cuddly
*Not being able to hang out with Jason, Court, Scott, Whitney, Brittany, Jenesse and SHAMAE!!!!! and all of you other people too...I didnt want to list everyone...so consider yourselves listed!
*Asay being awesome!
*Sousa being retarded...(wow...thats kinda backwards...)
*Alex Brown not responding to my torture the way that Travis used to
*Sarah Vein
*David Seaver
*Criman...bah...stupid monkey! just bah...
*Not having anything to say to Court
*Being mean to Nith
*Melissa
*Bench
*Daidree!!!!! Oh my freakin gosh!!!! I very much dislike that girl...bah...shes joining tech at the semester! nooooooo!!!!!!!! Criman what are you thinking?!?!?!?!?!
*My cousin IMing me every time I get on! I dont understand half of what he says anyways! why bother?
*My Mom not letting me on her SN! Then I cant get on MSN cause my SNs retarded! (ha! I said it again! eat it! Nastey old woman...)
*People knowing exactly what I need...sometimes I wish they didnt know...or even maybe just didnt say anything...I dont know...nevermind...forget this one...
*Having so much homework when really I only have these stupid meaningless classes! how does that work?
*Utah...bah...
*Jake Mallory...heck! all the Mallorys!
*Kellie being dumb about Nith...
*All conversations leading back to either Nith, Ali or Aly...why? why is it that way? who says we have to talk about them? where is that written? I guess Im talking about them...shut up-ah you face! bah...
*Riding the bus in the morning
*Being driven everywhere else by my dad...that really sucks
*Kira being home (what sucks about that is, shes only been home for like 24 hours and Ive only seen her once. But every time she comes home she spends most of her time with Paul. Who, by the by, is a freaking old man and if they get married I will be upset! He also scares me...is a freaky, old, black man! bah...)
*Not having Shamae to talk to about all my problems!
*Casey not knowing my name...
*Even thinking Casey is cute...bah...Im strange...and derranged...yes...that too!
*Feeling like Eeyore
*Feeling empty...bah...

ok I will stop now. Sorry that was so long! I hope some of you will at least read it all...but I guess you dont have to...

Sick and Tired of:

Ok so heres the deal. I am whiney. I know I am. I am also moody. I know that too. But since there have been so many things lately that have made my self-esteem lower about 20 points (and anyone who knows me really really well can tell you that that is really low!) and since a lot of you have been asking me what is wrong, so I have decided to list everything that has been bothering me! Here it goes...

THINGS IN GENERAL:
*Pricks
*Choir Concerts
*Drill people
*Rentals
*Loneliness
*Being grounded
*Parents telling you what you did and did not do...bah...they dont know, they werent there!
*Seminary lessons that make you feel like you suck
*People telling you you suck
*My retarded (ya! thats right! I said retarded! freakin stupid sub...I hate you Mrs. Brundage!)
paranoia...bah...
*The word "duh"
*By the skin of our teeth
*The way it is
*The way Brooke talks as if getting married made everything better when in all actuality, it didnt.
*The way she says she is over JT, when we all know she isnt.
*Dallas and his freaky hand shaking thing...whatever that is...
*Nathanael acting like he knows...he doesnt...he wont...
*Jason being cuddly
*Not being able to hang out with Jason, Court, Scott, Whitney, Brittany, Jenesse and SHAMAE!!!!! and all of you other people too...I didnt want to list everyone...so consider yourselves listed!
*Asay being awesome!
*Sousa being retarded...(wow...thats kinda backwards...)
*Alex Brown not responding to my torture the way that Travis used to
*Sarah Vein
*David Seaver
*Criman...bah...stupid monkey! just bah...
*Not having anything to say to Court
*Being mean to Nith
*Melissa
*Bench
*Daidree!!!!! Oh my freakin gosh!!!! I very much dislike that girl...bah...shes joining tech at the semester! nooooooo!!!!!!!! Criman what are you thinking?!?!?!?!?!
*My cousin IMing me every time I get on! I dont understand half of what he says anyways! why bother?
*My Mom not letting me on her SN! Then I cant get on MSN cause my SNs retarded! (ha! I said it again! eat it! Nastey old woman...)
*People knowing exactly what I need...sometimes I wish they didnt know...or even maybe just didnt say anything...I dont know...nevermind...forget this one...
*Having so much homework when really I only have these stupid meaningless classes! how does that work?
*Utah...bah...
*Jake Mallory...heck! all the Mallorys!
*Kellie being dumb about Nith...
*All conversations leading back to either Nith, Ali or Aly...why? why is it that way? who says we have to talk about them? where is that written? I guess Im talking about them...shut up-ah you face! bah...
*Riding the bus in the morning
*Being driven everywhere else by my dad...that really sucks
*Kira being home (what sucks about that is, shes only been home for like 24 hours and Ive only seen her once. But every time she comes home she spends most of her time with Paul. Who, by the by, is a freaking old man and if they get married I will be upset! He also scares me...is a freaky, old, black man! bah...)
*Not having Shamae to talk to about all my problems!
*Casey not knowing my name...
*Even thinking Casey is cute...bah...Im strange...and derranged...yes...that too!
*Feeling like Eeyore
*Feeling empty...bah...

ok I will stop now. Sorry that was so long! I hope some of you will at least read it all...but I guess you dont have to...

Thursday, December 16, 2004

ok I just dont know

I hate lots of people. I shouldnt. I really shouldnt, but I do. The fact is I cant help it sometimes. Half the time I dont know why, they just bother me. I feel bad because yesterday in Seminary we had a lesson on "what if the Savior came tomorrow?" and such.

I really want to tell these people what problems I have with them so I can resolve them and not have them on my conscience if I died tomorrow. But I cant seem to figure out how to go about it. Everytime I try, words like "I hate you! But at least Im trying..." and "D*** in leave me alone!" are the only things that seem to come to mind.

Today I almost swore at Nathanael and Sousa...I dont hate Sousa. He just makes me mad. I know I can blog this because he has never been to my blog and isnt a close enough friend to ever come here or even comment. He is just sorta there...ya know?

I did swear about Sousa, to Sarah. Yes...I was bad...I felt really bad also...which was good! because the worse I feel afterwards, the less likely I am to do it again. I make myself so mad with my faults! I should worry so much about them but thats part of why I get so mad! bah! Its so hard to explain...just...nevermind...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

I dont know how I say about this...or snort maybe...no thats Jenesses!

So Ryan is at my house. He is currently downstairs giving the sacrament to my Grandma. Oh wait...nevermind...he left just now. But still...I opened the front door and I guess I was just looking really hott (or something...you guys really should see what Im wearing) because he just gave me the craziest look as he looked me over. Yes...

I am kind of afraid of becoming his friend. The looks I get from him, the ones I cant quite make out, something crazy is going on in that tiny little head of his....I want to know what it is. My mom has told me for years that she thinks he likes me....I didnt believe her until recently.

Things he does, things he says. What do I do? I hate when the wrong people like you. Not that he even does but if he doesnt why is everything so weirdly complicated with him? duh. Dont get me wrong I love boys to death.....but when they start to get complicated with the feeling-ness of it all, I just want to yell out "Why do you have to ruin everything?! We have fun dont we?" ahhh....theres a truly great movie...

Somebody who knows what Im talking about please tell me what is wrong here! He doesnt like me does he? I just dont know any more....I am so tempted to yell out the above posted quote from Peter Pan the very next time I see him....that might be awkward tho...especially if he doesnt like me...and we really dont have fun....so thats just kinda....crazy....whatever....Im just gonna hire Sousa to knife him....ya....that sounds good....no one out there will miss him will they?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Inspired by Sousa...

ok so my dumb computer wouldnt let me put the picture on here and I swear I tried everything! oh well...heres my description anyway...just use your imaginations on the picture thing....

*picture of Honey Bunny holding her gun and a saying underneath it, "any of you effing pricks move..."*


It has to be YOUR way. When it isn't, you panic, but hold your ground. You keep your gun pointed and trigger finger ready, but you'd never really hurt anyone. Though you like being tough, feeling control, you often enjoy blending in and being part of the ordinary human race.

Friday, December 10, 2004

duh duh duh duh duh!

I totally had this post almost all the way written and then my stupid computer lost it somewhere! duh! duh duh duh duh duh! well I shall start over and just hope that it comes out as good as it was...stupid! *shaking fist*

I have never really known anyone who has known me well enough to predict everything I do, and or say, until I got to know Jason Knoell. What the strange! We walked from Mountain View all the way to his house today (and I dont know about him but it didnt seem to take that long for me...) We found out just how much we really are alike! That scares me....and yet....it excites me! The thrill of knowing Im not crazy or the only one who thinks that way is amazing and so relieving like you wouldnt believe! Yet, in a way, it is so scary to have someone I havent even known for three months, know every thought and every feeling I have ever had, and will ever have! That scares me...

Today in Child Development class we learned about toddlers, and how what the parents doing during the ages of 0-3 years makes all the difference in how the child grows up thinking. Jason and I have always thought we were crazy. Until recently we have discovered we are not! (either that or we are both crazy and living in our own little world...) So we decided that maybe, while we were toddlers, our parents did things with us, the same way! We have no idea what, but we are also not sure we want to know! We asked each other questions all the way to Jasons about what we have thought about and how we look at things...I even told Jason who he likes and why! He didnt even know until I told him! Then he was scared that I knew that and he didnt! Then I was scared too!

This is by far the scariest thing that has ever happened to me...and yet...probably the most exciting and intriguing too. (hmm...intriguing...I like that word) I just feel like my mind is being invaded...like I have no personal space...like there is nowhere I can hide! Not that he would, but IF Jason ever decided he hated me and wanted to do something harmful to me (either physically or mentally or even emotionally) he could. There is nothing he would not know about me if he gave me any thought! That is what scares me! Nothing is mine any more... what do I do? Not that I need to, but how do I shield myself? I feel so...defenseless....it is a very very VERY scary thing to feel defenseless....well I suppose I shall try and make the best of this craziness! Whatever....I suppose....

Oh ya! I almost forgot....Jenesse is a mute! bahahaha! duh... *wipes tear away from eye* in case anyone was wondering, THAT is my favorite inside joke.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Ryan

Just the idea of it intrigued her "This is going to be fun" she whispered to herself!