Sunday, November 28, 2004

A Boy Who...

So Ive been watching a lot of mushy-love movies and listening to a lot of mushy-love songs lately and it has made me actually stop and think about what kind of a boy I want. I told Brittany that I want a boy about a thousand times yesterday! So Britt...heres what Im looking for...

A Boy Who....
*holds my hand for no reason at all
*tickles me for no reason at all
*is loud and obnoxious with me when Im in that kind of a mood
*not necessarily BUYS me things, just GIVES me things....even if they are just mental or emotional (does that make sense?)
*listens to my kind of in the classics! (Sinatra, Astaire, Davis, Crosby, Martin, etc)
*smiles everytime he sees me laugh just cause he loves it so much
*gives me that look
*is mysterious in a way that only I can figure out...
*shows up randomly at my house just to take me on a walk
*gives me lots of surprises! (again even if they are just mentally or know...nothing big)
*likes me but is not obsessive...theres definitely a fine line there!
*feels so comfortable with my house and family (which may be hard to find) that he will just walk in
*hangs out with me even at family occasions
*will help me fix my car that Im getting from my sunday school teacher....its broken....needs a new clutch....
*has such a great family that I fit right in,...and I can walk into his house and hang out with him at his family occasions
*will watch a chick flick with me just so I can cuddle with him...
*will know exactly what Im feeling right when Im feeling it....along with knowing when I need to be pushed and when I dont
*will sing me "our song" all the time...especially when Im sad
*plays either the sax, drums or the guitar

Friday, November 26, 2004


I am so afraid for the future. I dont know where I am going or how I will get there. I fought with my mom again today. She wanted to take me to lunch. We went to Sonic and talked but just ended up fighting most of the time. Finally she said there were no locks on the doors and she wasn't going to stop me if I wanted to leave. I know there arent locks, and I know that she wont stop me. What is stopping me is my future. I told her I might move in with Brittany since she offered. Would your parents mind Britt? Cause Im really hoping for this job. I almost want to move out even with out the job.

My mom told me that she found out today that I havent been on the car insurance, and that she will only add me to it if I do what she wants and "gain her trust back". She also says that at that point we will be able to set a date for when I will be ungrounded. Until then she and my dad will both drive me to school. She wants me to go back to Liahona and says that if Im not caught up in the videos by December 1st I have to quit drama and go back to Liahona.

Why? Why does it matter if I am one week behind? Its not like I got lazy and fell behind! I started out a week behind and just never had time to catch up!

Why does she do this to me? I really want to leave again. She took my keys so I cant take the car any more. Like that will stop me! I wish this didnt have to happen....but I guess it does. People say everything happens for a reason...I wish I could see the reason for this...I wish I knew...

People talk about what loving relationships they have with their parents and how close they are to them. I wish I was like that. But I dont at the same time because of who my parents are. Tashas blog talked about how thankful she was for her parents. Sometimes I am thankful for mine, but sometimes I just feel like they are only bringing me down. I want to sit in my own little cement corner for days on end by myself! Just sit there and cry...

I am not saying I have the worst parents in the world! Far from it! The parents of my friends would suggest otherwise. I just wish they were better. But isnt that always how it is? Arent we always wishing for something better? When does it stop? When are we JUST thankful? I wish I was big enough to be JUST thankful and not stuck in this endless pursuit of perfection in our happiness...I wish it would all just go away and leave me alone...

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Running Away...

Today I ran away. My parents have yelled, lectured and punished to their little hearts content. They wouldn't stop telling me that I lied when I didnt. They dont believe anything I say any more and I have not given them a reason for them to doubt. They grounded me today for something I didnt do, but they claim I did. They told me I was grounded forever. I figure, if I am grounded forever why not have one last day to hang out?

So here I sit at Media Play. Looking for Sousa, hanging with Whitney and Court, and playing to my little hearts content. My parents didnt see me leave, but since I left about seven hours ago, and took my sisters car, I'm pretty sure they've noticed. I will probably die tonight. Dont look for me at school on monday. I might be made to quit Mountain View, but quite honestly I dont know. I am kind of afraid of what they will do to me...But kind of glad I stood up to them.

What can they do? Ground me again? Ya...Cause that worked so well the first time! Spank me? Oh. Please dont. The pain. Get serious! What else could they do that will hurt me except take me out of Mountain View and force me to go to Liahona. I am slightly worried, but if I get this job at the mall then all that will change. I will move in with one of my friends (any volunteers?) and take the videos and continue going to MVHS. Keep your fingers crossed! Im only waiting for a job so I can pay for the videos so I can graduate! Until then, try not to miss me too much! I'm probably toast as soon as I get home!

Fair Thee well! Until we meet again...

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Why I'm Currently In A State Of Great Rejoicing...

*Tullis Family
*Alor Family
*Princess Bride
*Jasons Hair
*Katies Hair
*Ben...enough said
*Denny's....1:30am....Katie....Jason...ah! good times!
*Locked out
*Knocking on Megans window
*Sneaking in
*Waking up to my sister who I actually thought, for about two seconds, was really Jason or Nithewania
*Slipper socks!
*Fuzzy beanies!
*duh....SLIPPER SOCKS!!!!!!!

ok...Im done now...

Thursday, November 18, 2004


...that is all....

Friday, November 12, 2004

What I Like And Need...

*Rain: it makes me feel like nothing else matters
*The song, Lady in Red: it makes me feel like...I am cool
*Hugs from behind: they make me feel safe, secure and loved
*To be told that I am hott: it makes me feel...hott
*The song, Perfect: it makes me think about how much I CANT do it all. and sometimes I need that reminder
*The song, All the Way: it makes me remember that "when somebody loves you, its no good unless he loves you all the way!"
*Llamas: they make me feel so happy!!!
*Waking up and 2 am to help a friend: it makes me feel important and useful
*Waking up at 2 am to go to Walmart with a friend: it makes me feel spontaneous and secretive
*Waking up at 2 am: just nice
*Reading a good Scott O'Dell book: it makes me feel adventurous
*Playing with guys hair: it makes me feel....seductive?
*The sound of someone, ANYONE, playing the guitar, drums or sax: it makes me feel...mmm
*Chicken Nuggets: they make me feel like no matter what goes wrong, I will always have my Chicken Nuggets and that is all I need

*Brittany: she makes me feel important and unique...and definitely BLESSED!!!
*Jenesse: she makes me feel hott
*Shmoo: she makes me feel like what I say is cool
*Tasha: she makes me feel...secret-agent-ish
*Jason: he makes me feel like someone will ALWAYS be there to listen
*Nathanael: he makes me feel better after the venting
*Kellie: she makes me feel loud and happy ALL THE TIME!!!!!
*Ali: she makes me feel dainty and girlish
*Aly: she makes me feel like someone out there cares about me
*Court: he makes me feel hyper
*Scott: he makes me feel...obnoxious...everyone needs to feel that way SOMETIMES! oh ya! and he also makes me feel popular!....sometimes....
*Sousa: he makes me feel like someone is listening to me always...even when it doesnt seem like it
*Asay: he makes me dancing, actually
*Kristi: she makes me feel like what I say is funny!
*Boobies: she makes me feel....A LOT of different ways
*Priscilla: she makes me feel like I am cool because I am like her...or she is like me...or something
*Sam: what would I do without Sam? duh.
*Stacey: she makes me feel needed
*Tyler: he makes me feel good about myself
*Bobby: he makes me want to do better
*Bench: he makes me want to be a better actor
*Becca: she makes me feel...wanted
*Sarah: she makes me feel....well...mad, sometimes...and sometimes thats good
*Holly: she makes me feel like what I say is funny also
*Liz: she makes me feel like I am talented
*Justine: she makes me feel like I am good at just talking to people
*Cliff: he makes me feel hott!...and...I am
*The Alor's little brother: he also makes me feel hott...why? because he hits on me when no other guys will...except Cliff...ah. I love Cliff.
*Jessy: she makes me a slut! hahaha! I love Jessy
*Mollie: she makes me feel like someone out there actually looks up to me

*and finally! the moment youve all been waiting for!.....BUTTON!!!!! She makes me feel like laughing, dancing, jumping backwards while yelling out yes!, like Im hott, popular, special, loved and so much more! Button, I love you! Feel loved! (and did you notice yours is pink? I did it special just for you!)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I'm Tired Of...

*Him giving me that look
*His eyes
*His self-centered-ness
*His conversation
*His friends
*His expressions
*His laugh (which you rarely hear out of him anyways...)
*His rudeness

*ANYONE giving me that look
*Being in charge
*Her (and her, and her)
*Mata Hari
*What has happened?
*The other Him (and that OTHER him)
*Being a loser
*Not knowing what to expect
*Random people you hate being nice to you but only for a second
*The other Her

And...In short...I'm just plain tired... don't talk to me...

Sunday, November 07, 2004

What Friday Night Taught Me....

* Jason has campouts in his boxers! (even in the wintertime...)
*good actors will remain in character even when just hanging out together....
*Fletcher screams really loud, and really really REALLY high pitched!
*three boys, all running at a moving car, can really seem like six in the dark....
*when one of the forest rangers jump on the hood of your car....they dont want to attack you, they want you to stop the car and get out so they can talk to you....
* Scott has an 11:30 curfew when his male parental unit is away....
*Returning to the scene of a toilet papering crime is only funny once
*Jason, Tyler and Bobby are deaf
*Scott is a professional toilet paperer, even with six girls screwing it up
*hiding in someone elses bushes, whom you dont know, is kinda scary with six girls
*make sure EVERYONE heard you when you say you are moving the car closer while they attack something and need a get away car....
*Tyler runs like he is on Orchesis....
*Jason can jump really high
*when you think you see someone standing on a roof, you probably do
*wear black when toilet papering houses in the open
*Tasha and Holly spoil the fun of Peter Pan....while what they said was funny, the timing was wrong
*Only Brittany, Aly (and apparently Jenesse) and I truly appreciate that movie
*Justine is truly smarter than everyone else when it comes to Trunk
*Fletcher likes to be on top when arises, the need to have someone lay across peoples laps for lack of seating space
*Boobies will do anything for Trunk but if she still doesnt get it, she will kill Fletcher for the top of the pile
*Scott, even tho he has a girlfriend, enjoys being surrounded by six other girls...

I prolly learned more but that is all for now....

Teel = Changes